Real runners wear shorts…..but their thighs burn in hell! 

So it’s been a couple of months since me and running shorts first made our acquaintance. How ridiculous after 7 years of running to not have got there before, but I didn’t feel ready.

Real runners wear shorts ( well actually awesomely real runners wear pants but trust me that won’t be happening not even in another 7 years). But really,come all weathers, rain or shine, runners that look like runners wear shorts. Ellie beat me to shorts and called them ‘liberating’ but then she has better legs than me. In fact everyone in my eyes has better legs than me which was probably the problem. It’s all back to the body hang ups that EVERY lady has, I don’t care who you are. Is it just western women bombarded by media images, will we ever be satisfied?

Who looks back at pictures when they were 18 and thinks god I would kill for that body now and yet we probably all felt fat and ugly at 18 despite what our mums, our peers or our boyfriends told us……when will we ever learn?

So rational hat on, thanks to running I’m now a size 8/10 …… 8 when I’m honed and in top race form, 10 when there’s less miles and more wine ( that one right now) But factually that’s not fat, BMI all in order etc … fact, get it into my blinkered head, that’s not fat! When I first lost weight I couldn’t believe it, I was so excited to see the difference and see those new smaller sizes slip on, but gradually after 2 years, it’s become the norm, just me and exactly the same insecurities start all over a again. Bums a bit saggy, saddle bags are annoying….blah , blah, blah. When do we stop?

I have a thing about my knees, I hate them. My grandma used to say I had ‘footballers knees’ ! I can probably see what she meant , they’re big, bulbous knees, not shapely at all. Now the purpose of the post isn’t to generate a huge ‘you’re not fat at all’ supportive outpouring. My head firmly tells me that. But will my eyeballs ever be satisfied with what they see?

So it was my head that said ‘ buy a fucking pair of shorts’ you’re a runner! I bought the black with white trim Nike ones that actually every female short wearing runner in the UK seems to own. I see them daily. They are very comfy, as flattering as I think shorts will get, but there’s not even a teeny weeny pocket for your house key which is a tad annoying. On the plus side, they even have the built in pants ……well more of a ‘fanny hammock’ but at least it’s there to protect ones dignity in a tumble. I’ve worn them in many weather   conditions as the Spring/Summer climate has been all over the place. They dry super easily when wet and I have returned ‘purple thighed’ on colder than planned days…..purple/ blue thighs….the true mark of a champion.

I’ve worn them with pants for every run until this week. I felt you couldn’t beat double pant security, buttocks firmly locked down. But finally the sight of a sunny morning and thoughts of a riverside run just brought me a moment of careless thinking and I wore them ‘sans pants!!!’ Now that was liberating indeed and not too breezy. My backside stayed in rhythm despite its new found freedom. All was good except I ran beyond the 10km point and it happened, chub rub!

Those poor old thighs just slapped together so many times I’m surprised I didn’t set the fanny hammock on fire. As it gets more sore it’s hard to ignore and you can’t keep trying to pull down fabric that just isn’t there, you look a weirdo. To think I purchased a whole large tub of Vaseline for the London marathon which was totally not needed. Where was it when I needed it 8 miles away from home. Why do people wear shorts for long distances if that happens? Don’t tell me their thighs don’t rub together, only teenagers are obsessed and capable of achieving the ‘thigh gap’ that’s not for real women.

I read that some ladies are waiting to lose weight to stop chub rub….forget it, your thighs at speed are clearly like engine pistons and upper thigh combustion happens whether you like it or not! I’ve been told chub rub happens all the time to larger people just by walking. I cannot think of better incentive to lose weight. It was agony. I’d show you a picture, but it’s not that type of blog !

The shower after the run bought tears to my eyes, thank goodness we still have Savlon, it was probably out of date but did the trick. The rest of the day was spent in my softest joggers sitting in a slightly unladylike position. There were upsides, how often do you ask the man in your life “I need you to come upstairs and rub vaseline between my thighs, right now !”…….actually I think it frightened him. 7 years of running and it’s never come to this before.

Thank god I wore cycling shorts for the marathon where it’s not an issue ( why doesn’t everyone wear them then?) I see no point putting them under the running shorts, I think the shorts would just feel too tight.

Have I worn them since, hell yes, I’m addicted to them, I even bought another pair but they’re not as nice, but more practical, with a small pocket and gel loops. I think they’re a ‘distance limited’ bit of kit, unless Vaseline is the way forward or ‘Bodyglide’ as I’ve heard about ……expensive Vaseline I presume?

Regular wearing is adding colour to my British, ‘milk bottle’ legs so that’s a huge plus. I guess now I’ve bitten the bullet …..real runners wear shorts!


The first outing of the shorts


Categories: Ladies of a Certain Age Running (LCA), Runners Problems

Tags: , , , , ,

2 replies

  1. Your shorts look great! I get very self conscious in shorts as well… I have big thighs compared to the rest of my body and any shorts that aren’t straight cotton feel a bit restrictive.


  2. But we wear them still, that’s the main thing.


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