The gentleman’s guide to living with a runner

  • If she’s been unable to run for a couple of days due to work, kids,illness, whatever; lie low, keep your head down and just agree with everything until you see her trainers leave the premises.
  • If she’s told not to run for a significant period due to injury, move out…..temporarily, it’s for the best.
  • Peanut butter is ok to have every mealtime and she doesn’t need reminding how many calories are in it.
  • Yes, she might actually spend more on a pair of running shoes than shoes to go to a family wedding. They’ll get more wear, so what?
  • Comfy running knickers are MASSIVE, deal with it !
  • “Wow, gorgeous lacy thong, I can’t wait to try a half marathon in that” said no female runner, ever!
  • If you’re supporting on the finish line and are truly mesmerised by the motion of your beloved’s breasts as they cross the line. She’s wearing the wrong sports bra so please offer to buy her a new one. Bosoms need locking down for running or you’ll both be tripping over them if you grow old together.
  • “Give it to me hard in the bedroom later” refers to the level of sports massage required to ease race weary legs. Equally “Make me pop” refers to that delicious moment when her leg muscles ‘pop’ as you rub them hard ( it might make you feel a bit sick at first, but you’ll get used to it ).
  • You’re in luck, the only thing she’ll demand to be ‘well hung’ are her medals, so I hope your DIY skills are up to it.
  • Vaseline……it’s a distance race essential. She might let you help apply it if you’re really lucky!
  • Gift ideas outside of running kit of course should extend to maybe a pedicure voucher and dark nail colours……if you’re a ‘toe sucker’you might want to avoid a runner !
  • There are 3 laundry baskets to deal with, whites, darks and technical. If you’re the helpful type, NEVER iron the technical.
  • Don’t book a romantic weekend away without checking the race calendar first.
  • Don’t book a surprise holiday unless you’ve looked on Strava or Map my Run first to check that there are some great runs where you’re staying.
  • ‘Packing light’ always allows for Lycra and travelling in your running shoes may look ‘chavvy’ but there’s no other way.
  • Bursting into tears after crossing a finish line with a PB is quite normal, hug needed
  • Bursting into tears after crossing a finish line having just missed a PB is quite normal, hug needed
  • Learn to stop bursting out laughing every time she says ‘Fartlek’
  • Don’t ever call her technically inept, the latest running watches wouldn’t look amiss on a NASA flight deck.
  • ‘Darling let’s run together’ will ensure you’re a keeper. But a relationship can survive if you’re not a runner. Just accept she’ll be fitter, firmer, better toned, age better and probably live longer than you, but hey, she’ll never have to queue for the baggage tent again and that’s worth a lot to her.

 

 

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Categories: Ladies of a Certain Age Running (LCA), Runners Problems

Tags: , , , ,

6 replies

  1. Very well put Justine. All the salient facts are there and abound with your usual sharp sense of humour.Simply love reading between the lines and as the saying goes(She who must be obeyed).

    Like

  2. Excellent Justine. All the salient facts abound with your usual sharp sense of humour. Brilliant.

    Like

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