I’m becoming a militant runner. Has my tolerance lowered now I’m in my 8th year of running, or have I reached an age where I am the female equivalent of Victor Meldrew? My filters are weakening, get me a slot on Loose Women, I have an opinion and I’m not afraid to share it.

It’s drivers, surely it must say in the Highway Code, give way to runners, no ifs, no buts. Admittedly, the chances of me sitting down right now and passing a driving theory test are probably remote …… But it’s what the rules of the road ‘should’ say in my mind.

I do check side roads to see who might be driving out of them, but I do expect you to wait for me and wave me nonchalantly across; I would if it was me behind the wheel but then that’s just runner to runner empathy. Realistically, if you haven’t reached the junction by the time I get to the kerb, I’m crossing! Pip me if you like but I hate stop/starting. If you pull out in front of me and then I see you stopped at lights, watch out, like a London cyclist, I will bang your bonnet!

As for drivers on main roads who are turning into side roads, I despise you completely if you see me running at pace and don’t let me cross. I AM crossing and don’t worry I always put my hand up to thank you even when you hadn’t planned to stop and I made you.

The tricky one is the driver turning into a side road from behind me. I thought you should always be wary of pedestrians who cross without looking behind them. So trust me, this runner is crossing. Last week, a lady went mental pipping me because she couldn’t be arsed to slow down and let me cross. I did the lady like thing and stuck two fingers up over my shoulder…….I’m running, they are my streets to own.

People that park across pavements ……. Dick heads !

Last week a lady came down a driveway looking to her right the entire time to see if the main road was clear and she continued sailing out across the pavement never once looking left. That’s the closest I’ve got to being taken out and that time I wasn’t even being militant.

Actually, it’s not just drivers, pedestrians can be annoying too. A group that span the whole width of the pavement as you approach from behind can be tricky. As I’m not known for being ‘light of foot’ I suspect the earth tremors they feel as I near are enough to move them. Additionally a small cough as you close in does the trick. Of course I always say thank you. Look what you can buy though, I’m tempted…..

The pedestrian finger bell, see, not just for bikes

What about the group of pedestrians taking the whole width of the pavement coming towards you who don’t budge one millimetre and force you into the road…..arseholes! If the traffic is coming from behind you that’s really dangerous. It’s happened a few times to me. I meet that one with a ‘thanks for nothing’ or a ‘ don’t mind me’
Still,what else could possibly be annoying, running is a simple pleasure after all. Well there’s just a couple more:

• Others runners that don’t speak/greet/nod/wave ………aaaarrrrgggghhh what’s wrong with you? Do we not all suffer together?
• Other runners that run pass me at a faster speed……..whatever! I’m probably doing more miles, I’m not always at race pace you show off……please note, if that is combined with misdemeanour highlighted above, I might just chase you and hit you
• Drivers that call out……grow up, look properly, I’m old enough to be your mother!
• Dogs……always on leads please, think about taking up running if your dog would rather follow me for miles
• Cyclists………Nottingham is amazing but you have your side of the pavement and I have mine, so stay on it ! The little pictures are painted in white to help you
• Sloppy gardeners………if I wanted to be slapped in the face by your unkempt boundaries, I’d ask. A tech tee shirt and a prickly bush never works
• Bus stops……..come on commuters, queue the length of the pavement please, not right across it and if you are queuing across it, I need a quick communal decision quickly as to where you a parting for me, I’m not running an assault course
• Teenagers and phones………….face in screen, headphones in ears, no peripheral vision, no hearing, as they wander directly into your path then jump as you crash into them….and they wonder why muggings are on the up for this age group!

Remember, running should relax the mind and body, relieve stress and promote inner peace. In case you forget that I have enlisted two buddies to remind anyone when my karma is not calmer.

Categories: Ladies of a Certain Age Running (LCA), Runners Problems

Tags: highway code, road rage